Saturday, March 14, 2015

Let It Go

It's a long time since I ever chased a serial on TV. And this time, I finally watched a full serial that caught my interest - Let It Go. This is on Channel U, recently ended, so you can catch it on Catch Up TV. A short 13 episodes only. Why I was interested in watching is because of .. ELVIN NG!
hehe.. He's my favourite boyfriend on TV. HANDSOME TO THE MAX. *fanmode on*

Besides the incentive of looking at the handsome guy, the story plot is interesting as well. And, somehow, it makes me reflect of my love relationship.

I remember when I was at my worst chapter in my life 4 years ago, it was really horrible.
The pain left a scar and was mentally tormenting. For me, my way of recovering was shutting up myself to the extent I could not bear it anymore and just break down.
I have a habit of crying at night cause no one will see me.
The longest, and hardest let it go... was probably this.

My friends around me knew, and of course, consoled me and shared my sorrow.
Working was terrible, and I kept making mistakes, and staring into blank spaces. When they found something amiss from my actions, people started asking.
I particularly remembered though, my good buddy, who at that time left Abbott already, texted me when I was still doing OT to ask me what happen.
When I spilled the beans, I guess the conversation crafted a bad scenario as if I was going to end my life (probably that time maybe), and he sent someone else who was still in Abbott to watch out for me.

And that someone else became my boxing bag since then. Because he has nothing to do, single, he followed me for sad walks, kept bringing me back to reality when I stone. I would look through photos and weep. He was a trustworthy friend because he never gossips nor spill beans. He never ask any questions but just sat quietly there or talk other random stuff. I was really thankful.

Slowly, I got back my normal life and tried to move on with the pain still buried inside me.
One day, when he confessed to me, I stop short and went away. I didn't know what to react and realised I wasn't done "letting it go". And I didn't want to hurt him.

I thought I had "let it go" but it was just being buried. I didn't erased all that left memories. And I remember he said to me something like that... I can always be trap in my own memories, but he has moved on happily, while you are still sad. Is this something I want.

I then found my own way of letting it go, and the only barrier is myself.
I deleted all photo memories, took new course, and did a solo trip and meet new friends. I want to have back my independence that I used to have. Motivational books definitely helped me in my negativity.

They say time will heal everything. I say, maybe not. Healing depends on yourself, how fast you can fight yourself and win that emotional race. And I believe in letting it go before holding someone else's hands. Never bring down other people when you are still not letting go.

And now, I'm thankful for all that I have even though it is a tough journey.  

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